Sunday, September 07, 2008

Last days

Today someone mentioned your name. Good grief. It hurt. I miss you and can´t bear to believe that I won´t see you again.
I hate her. She is weak and I am scared I might turn into her one day (or has it already happened).
I don´t want to see him. He is the sum of the life that didn´t happen. He talks and talks but never listens and I am too tired now to sit there pretending I care.
I am happy I am saying goodbye to him. I wish for a happy ending and I want someone that is running away from who knows what.
I don´t want to loose my job for a reason I can´t grasp. Am I being too hysterical? Should I be sympathizing?
I want to quit the project. Does it have a future? I don´t fit there. Am I fooling myself? Am I self-destructing me?
I don´t want to keep cutting myself. I wish I could stop.
I wish I had atonenment. That I could be forgiven. That my imperfections didn´t make so hideous.
I want to sleep.