Thursday, December 29, 2011

The end will be the same

Monday, December 19, 2011

The last unicorn

"Where have you been? Damn you, where have you been?! Where were you twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Where were you when I was new…? How dare you come to me now, when I am THIS!”
Molly Grue

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Monday, December 05, 2011

Caught in time

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Are you still coming here, lurking in?

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The game's afoot.

Smiling, chest pain, the medicine is finally kicking in. And I've done something stupid. But I can't help me smiling. Doctor tricked me, but at least the pain is gone for now, and that beautiful writing sends me to bed with peace in my heart.
Far away. Night covers me and her mistress I am.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Boy with a knife on his hands

I don't want to go to sleep, every night I close my eyes takes me one step away from you. Just a moment. A chance. Usually you start by forgetting the eye color. Then it's the shape of hands. Height. Sound of your voice. You end up being a blur...
Blue grey, dirty eye color, different from the green blue of your brother, slender hands, surprisingly strong, white slim fingers. Slightly taller than me, but you are always crouching, the effect of being a tall thin boy, geeky, almost overwhelmed by yourself, shy, sort of always hiding. Crooked one sided smile, a psychopath smile I said.
Just grow up. Charming boy I met under a red blooded moon, go beyond the spell and grow up. While I write these words I know you will never be the man that he might have turn into, but that it's lost now. Who you will become?
Glass shattered. The tiger, the elephant and the wolf are gathered around me, wondering to which crazy god I'm howling to.
I just close my eyes.

Monday, November 21, 2011

I long to see you under cold light in the middle of darkness.
The big dark lonely wolf crying silver tears.
And you not being afraid.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sea tales, sad stories

I met a blue grey eyed boy next to the sea. Thin and fragile in appearance, skin so white you would've thought he was a ghost. First time I saw him we thought we knew each other, but then maybe it was just a premonition of things to happen. He came one morning, sun just coming up, took my hand and took me deep into the sea, show me castles under the water, and caught light with his fingers and made a ring with it for me. He made me laugh and when the pain came he hold me tight. He touched my back and told me stories of phoenix and dragon, their long battles, love and hate. And we looked into each other eyes, amber playing on a grey ocean, blue and auburn melting. And he took my hand and I saw his. And then, alas, the horror. The sign. And then we were doomed. And blood came up to my mouth and pain like a lighting stroke my nerves, wanting to kill, murder and destroy. But I just closed my eyes and cried. And we stayed there, one second captured into eternity by the beating in unison of our hearts.

Friday, November 04, 2011

The ghost of us

A little knock on the door. Footsteps outside.

You don't know what pain or love mean. You just know the sound of your name.

Y la resina acumulada en mis venas me convierte en una muñeca de horror, monstruo destinado a atraer a los espectadores de este circo sin nunca percibir simpatía.

Blood, guts, spit and death live in my dreams. The promise of prosperity still being unfulfilled. The phoenix flies away with lies on its feathers. With my name underneath.

Porque una sola de tus lágrimas en mi mano no es igual a los gritos de miles de almas pidiendo lo que a tí se te ha dado natural. Porque tú nunca vivirás ni sabrás lo que es la vida que te despierta a mitad de la noche. Porque you get to move on, while I just die.

So i am tearing up my costume tonight and coming through your dreams and tell you I love you.
And then I am killing you, while my blood covers all traces of what was meant to be.

And then I will wake up, and I'll have to face you and go to work and smile and go on.
Day after day, knowing you are nowhere.

I am still pain.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Oh I do believe
I see the sunset and sunrise. All my senses tingling, alert. I do perceive beauty.
But I am still pain.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I don't want to see, I don't want to know

I am pain.
I bleed.
I die.
Only to wake up again.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Monday, September 19, 2011

Winter and blood tales

Fucking lost fucking pissed off. What does to take to keep you happy white happy trendy people.
I've lost two great friend this years, both of were amazing and i just want to hear their voices for on more last time. An you people worry about so stupid thins. In your pampered life, where nothing ever happens to you. My scars, come from a place of fear and hurt and pain.

The other one I believe is happy, the ocean swept away his bones, made him a manmeird.
I miss you guys. Please let me know somehow that something will be right.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Caught by my reflection

Blood running through my legs, I just sat down and cry.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Wet pages

Cry until my eyes dry out.
Cry 'till the morning
Can Neil Diamond come and sing dry your eyes for me?
I wish for a phone call.
I wish, just wish

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Music for the high on diesel...

Lying in my bed, I think of you
That song goes through my head, the one we both knew
In each line lies another line full of sacred sound
But you're outside where the companies dream and the money goes round

Lying in my bed.
Watching my mistakes,
I listen to the band they said that it could be the 2 of us

The snow might fall and write the lines on the silent page
But you're outside making permanent love to the nuclear age
Two silhouettes by the cash machine make a lovers dance
It's a tango for the lonely wives of the business class

Lying in my bed
Watching my mistakes
I listen to the band
Lying in my bed
With nothing much to say so I listen to the man
He said that it could be the 2 of us

I heard you call from across the city through the stereo sound
And so I crawled there sickeningly pretty as the money went round

Lying in my head watching my mistakes
I listen to the band
And the drums beat in my head
Pianos chime the sound in this prison of the house
And as the illness comes again can you hear me through the rain
As I listen to the band?
As I sing the silent song
Mime each lonely word
Please listen to the man he said that it could be the 2 of us

Alone but not lonely, you and me
Alone but loaded.........

Because I don't fit in my body anymore,
and the streets look like an empty canvas impossible to fill.
No sun comes through the window, gray skies above us, haunting us,
a little breeze hits my face, making it ache.
Love and nothing remains, pain has conquer all,
beautiful week that lies ahead, where are you?

Monday, August 22, 2011

Once I had colors, once I had light.
Thought I'd found love then saw it fade away.
In my dream, there was a tent, the stairs. The room full of people
And the drugs.
I woke up and you were still here, your hand under my neck. You lean to say goodbye and fell on top of me. Held me close, our breathing the same.
We've lost each other. I've lost you. I wonder if you'll have the strength to not look back that day.
I am going to be staring beyond you.
But I do know you love me.

Sunday babies

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Beautiful baby

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Corpse without a name. Motionless limbs spread over the bed.
Eyes open staring to the roof. No life in them.
Every breath pains, a knife buried deep within my skin, every second making me terribly aware of my rotten smell. My joints crying pain. My blood circulating pain. My muscles running on pain.
My skin covered in pain.
Pain is my name, my alias, my self, my tears. Red runs down my legs, covers my arms, bursts out from every pore, bits of me falling to the ground.
I cry to the sky, while my nails dig deeper in my flesh, tearing me inside out, leaving me behind. But I am still here, alone, broken, not the owner of my body, trapped inside of it, slave to its pain, to its smell of death, to its never ending curse.

Guiding light

As pain takes over me, open wounds that won´t heal, I close my eyes and think of you. I can´t see your face, I curl in my bed, cold, always cold, force myself to remember. But I can´t remember your face. Then for a second your name is not there. And I am pain. Blood runs down my arms and legs. And I start to understand that you were never real.
Cry, little baby, cry. I hold an empty blanket in my lap, cuddle it, pretend there´s a baby inside. Our baby. A precious thing, all curls and eyes. Milla comes and with sad eyes lays her head next to me. I show her the baby. She looks at me, knowing there´s no baby, wagging her tail pretending to follow me in the game. A light breeze comes through the window, the first day of sun, I wish to get close to its warmth, but bed is my territory.
Soft cotton against my skin, makes me feel fresh and doesn't hurt. A fly comes through the window. I hate flies. They make me feel as if I was already dead and my rotten smell was luring them into the house.
My joints ache as I try to reach for butterflies, light sparks and shadows over my head.
No tears for the lonely woman trapped in her room.

Monday, August 08, 2011

For in my eyes is always winter

And time stands still.

It makes no diff'rence where I turn
I can't get over you and the flame still burns
It makes no diff'rence, night or day
The shadow never seems to fade away

And the sun don't shine anymore
And the rains fall down on my door

Now there's no love
As true as the love
That dies untold
But the clouds never hung so low before

It makes no diff'rence how far I go
Like a scar the hurt will always show
It makes no diff'rence who I meet
They're just a face in the crowd
On a dead-end street
And the sun don't shine anymore
And the rains fall down on my door

These old love letters
Well, I just can't keep
'Cause like the gambler says
Read 'em and weep
And the dawn don't rescue me no more

Without your love I'm nothing at all
Like an empty hall it's a lonely fall
Since you've gone it's a losing battle
Stampeding cattle
They rattle the walls

And the sun don't shine anymore
And the rains fall down on my door

Well, I love you so much
It's all I can do
Just to keep myself from telling you
That I never felt so alone before
The band

Monday, August 01, 2011

Dancing in the dark

I get up in the evening
and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer
radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
baby I just know that there is

You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older
there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this laugh's on me

Stay on the streets of this town
and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
come on now baby gimme just one look

You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Hey baby

Monday, July 04, 2011

slow songs

It´s been two days. Haven´t been out of my house, not that I was making it a lot during previous weeks. Haven´t shower. haven´t even gone out of my pj's.
So depressed. I just want to die. Or not. Not die but be happy. Or not? maybe just a phone call.
Yes. That would be fine, a phone call.
How much longer can I stay here? Slowly dying. "Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet, tomorrow is too often a repetition of today."

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I wish we could stop looking back

Monday, May 23, 2011