actually it´s easy,

it´s not the result of a mind challenging puzzle or the thousand voices of an army lost in oblivion.

It´s even obvious, which makes it trivial, (I hate vulgarity, triviality, mediocracy)

I am crazy.

not in the we live nowadays in a crazy world full with stress and that has change the people´s perception of sanity.

really crazy as in take your rainbow pills dear,

we don´t want you to upset the rest of the kids right?

And no, it´s not cool, so forget about the wonders of being different.

I´ve become paranoic.

I´ve become obssesive.

I´ve become an addict.

and i am not happy and i want to hurt everything, everyone, starting with myself.

slish slash slish a little cut here slash a little cut there

if you do it in your legs it´s easier to explain them

if you do it in your wrists you´ll have to wear bracelets to cover them up

if you do it with your nails you can say it´s a scratch

if you do it with a knife is more painful

so, are you looking for pain?

or humilliation?

or sick sick sick behavior?

yep, that´s me, that´s what i´ve become.

lonely, full of rage, betrayed by myself

let me tell you a little of a story there was this girl, beatiful wide eyed curly hair girl.

she lived in an apartment and she was never allowed to go out. In the mornings she went to school and from there she became a ghost, hidden in her parents office, doing homework, laying by herself. A sad little ghost. She created imaginary friends, she read, she imagine what the outside world will look like. She had a little problem, because she would get bored at school very easily. Her teachers punished her for finishing work too fast. And she grew bored, punished. The others girls laughed at her. She was the other. And a little seed began growing inside of her, tick tack, little by little, branches leaves spreading in her body. crazy crazy Her parents told the little gril that was ok, it was good to be different, super cool yei. And told her to not have a chicken heart. So she learn to conceal her thoughts her feelings. To pretend to be daddy´s girl, mommy´s favorite baby. To be clean cut A grade nice boring stupid bitch everyone expected her to be. Until the jungle inside her grew too much, digged to far into the darkness of her heart. And she exploted. dark trees, clouds, blood, dead babies, storms, snakes and worms, pain pain pain pain, everything went out . And then they told her she was crazy, that it was her fault. They advice to stay home, hidden, so she wouldn´t bring shame to the family. to write happy things, because the world is so bright and full of wonderful things. to not feel sad angry depressed disapointed bored helpless. When they saw the marks in her legs they told her to stop doing it because it looked "ugly", not girly pretty. When they saw the marks in her wrists they said to stop doing it because it distressed them. And she grew, dark circles under her eyes, ugly hate rage death.

There is no turning back.

Once you´ve gone too deep into the waste lands.

When you are an empty field.

When you are a lost sorrow.

When you breath death

The reality is that you are not dying, you just want to, but at the same time you do not know how to do it (trust me, is not that easy)

And half of the time you wonder if you REALLY want to die, or if it´s just another one living inside you the one that does. Because you never know, if your toughts are yours, or if it is the illness.

After the shakes, you will be able to breath again.