Shame

Shame is the new found pain. Shame is laying naked in the middle of the road, broken doll, blood still running down my legs. Exposed, I can't even breath, digging lines in my flesh, I arrived to my house and something was different, everything was in its place but slightly different. And then I smelled him. He who holds my heart in his hand came here. To my reign of blood, guts, limbs and pain. He found his path here and came in, doors unlocked because he is king of everything I own. But this place is not for him. The filthiness of it must have shocked him, dirt sticking to his feet, walls covered in shit, no light inside of this hell where I dwell in the night, after shedding my fake skin and howl to the gods in a million empty halls. I can't breath right now, my fingers numb, tears running down my face, as I know he will, disgusted, turn around and go. I damn my name and my trembling I cannot control, as I follow his trace inside this house, room after room, hoping to find a sign, some lost flower, a curl of his hair, a hidden letter that eases my mind. Nothing I found, just an angry warning that fills this stupid damaged creature with shame and pain. I've become too reckless, too careless. This house that once laid hidden behind a thicker veil than night, know figures in some scavengers maps, exposed to tourists and curious men. And now, horror horror, he has found the secret name of the beast that guides him here, where he walked and roamed wall after wall, this unworthy whore exposed, this broken damaged girl exposed, this wild animal scared of being tamed exposed, the rape and the murder exposed, a thousand secrets and images exposed. And must of all, my love for him exposed. I run out of the house. I cry. Blame me, curse me, punish me, for fear and shame now have closed their tight grip on me. I turn into wolf and into the woods I run, looking for him, to come close to his warmth I long for so much, to wait until his glaze meets my eyes and tells me everything is fine. That I can breath again. oh shame, shame, shame, please go away.