Waiting

My nerves are bad tonight. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
Speak to me. Why do you never speak. Speak.
The waste land. T.S. Eliot

it is not easy to let go of the stream that gives way to life
the strings strongly sealed
a million reasons
open eyes that will not close

but neither is easy the body that refuses to move
organs fighting helplessly
brain, soul, spirit
all gone
and death, only death is there

five

cry ´til the morning. richard ashcroft
fade into you.mazzy star/jarvis cocker
suzanne.leonard cohen
shadowboxer.fionna apple
hunter.björk

Semper idem

And the sixth sorrow
Is the fox´s sorrow
The joy of the huntsman, the joy of the hounds,
The hooves that pound
Till earth closes her ear
To the fox´s prayer.
The seven sorrows. ted hugues.

And I wish that I was a happy guy,
average boy walking home from school,
watching from the bridge the trains gone by,
playing in the park.
To sit in the garden to see the leaves fall
and pretend they come to greet me
instead of bringing despair.
But my name is pain and my blood is revenge
and I am not a happy soul
that shines, it is otherwise,
I am the burden of myself,
glasses crashing
empty pockets
bitten nails.
It is not that I don´t have hope
it´s just that it ain´t enough
to shake the blues
and make me see the sun.

But to tell you the truth,
dark and cloudy as I am
I believe I am a dark star
that can bright in the night.

Just this once

Desde mi vitrina observo tu ventana,
distorsionada, páginas de lluvia entorpecen la mirada.
Uno, dos, tres,
son días o semanas,
que desde mi lugar observo,
quieto, al acecho.
Pero tus cortinas nunca dejan entrar el sol,
nunca dejan entrar la lluvia,
sólo el marco como referencia.
Me imagino lo que haces ahí dentro
y me pongo tus zapatos
mientras le doy un gran trago a la botella
que siempre guardas,
escondida, apenada.
Te observo mientras trabajas,
mientras juegas,
mientras eres el niño de mi infancia perdida.
Y me visto de azul, fragmentos plata como cristales y diamantes
que se estrellan y penetran salvajes
pero me convierten en la estrella de mi propio espectáculo.
Y cae la noche y la luz nunca se enciende,
nunca estás
y no puedo soñar con el mismo cielo que tú.
No sé donde estás.

Beatiful girl

You wake up, open our eyes and realize that you are a boy who wants to be a girl trapped in the body of a woman.

When you are tired of just being one of the boys

and you try on old clothes and in new clothes

but nothing fits,

your hair is a mess,

your skin doesn´t have the ivory quality it used to,

and no one has brought you flowers in years,

or taken you to the cinema,

or gone to pick you up at work.

But at the end of the day you just want to be beatiful.

And that someone else thinks that you are beatiful.

My marathon suggestions

My own private Idaho
Priscilla, Queen of the desert
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Breakfast at Pluto´s
Tarnation
Happy together
Velvet Goldmine
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
My beatiful laundrette
Love and human remains

All the shiny and beatiful

I guess we´ve already been here before, and you might start joking about my need to save all the hamsters in the world, but think that when we are gone all the beatiful creatures will be around.

www.thepetitionsite.com

I miss you

This weekend a couple of friends went to a wedding in the country side. They were staying in a fancy hotel-club. They were sitting in the lobby on the second day and this host comes and tells them that one of the guests had complained that they were induring on "inappropiate behavior". They were holding hands.
They are both men.
Everytime I hear things like these my heart sinks deeper.
Silly stupid people.
Hate
With their churches and their pride and their morals.

Everytime I hear stuff like these...
and I write this today because I´ve been thinking of you. I dreamed with you a couple of days ago.
and it reminds me of you because I am so full with anger and I know that you would have been outraged as well, but at the sight of me becoming the wounded elephant destroying everything on its path you would´ve put on one of your silly smiles and hug me and tell me about all the beatiful stuff that there is out there. And you would have cooked your famous strudel and said funny things and at the end of the evening you would´ve let me rest my head on your shoulder. And I would believe you. that there are beatiful things outside.
Silly boy.
How could you?
I am the one that keeps dreaming of you. And I also have to dream for the both of us, silly selfish boy, I´ve grown up, and you will always be a tall, dark, silly boy. The Jackal is about to finish engineering, baby sis is doing her master, my film has been screened...
Let me tell you about beatiful things.
How could I care about them if they were not enough to keep you here?
lay there, under the shadow of that tree, your eyes closed, I will keep writing.

house d is mourning

Baby Sky died.
one of tiger lilly´s babies. the little gray one.
and even if life is like that and mother nature knows better, it still hurts.
and leaves your heart feeling wet and sad.
Poor Eleanor has tears hidden behind her eyes
and she thinks I can´t see them
but I do.
and i mourn for her.
and i would liked to know how to reach and shake sadness away.
but i do not know.

The five of the week

midnight radio-Hedwig and the angry inch

it´s a fire-Portishead

jackie-Placebo´s version

wish you were here-Pink floyd

say hello to heaven-Temple of heaven